Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Feeling a Little Psychotic

In the past week I have noticed a big leap in my spanish. I am actually starting to think in the spanish without consciously trying to. Sometimes I'll be thinking about something in English and parts will slip into Spanish. Other times just weird random things pop up in Spanish. Even other times I'll be writing or typing in English and certain portions will end up written in Spanish.

Certainly I am so happy that I can now say many things in Spanish without rehearsing and structuring in my head first. But the problem lies in the fact that I now feel like there is this strange voice in my head. It doesn't sound like my voice. It doesn't quite belong there yet.

So by the end of the day it starts to make me feel a little anxious. I just want my mind to settle and stop racing as it does when these two voices are competing to be heard. I feel somewhat like there are two personalities inside me battling to get out.

Luckily there are super affordable yoga classes here in the evenings. I need to give my brain a rest and just breath for a little while.

A while back my friend Carrie, who is living here in Xela, described her experiences of living somewhere long term and speaking a non-native language. The ways in which it can change ones personality. Her experience is certainly much more intense than mine and I think she does a great job of describing what it feels like to have these changes running through one's brain. (If you want to read what she wrote scroll down to November 1st)

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